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The Simple Things

Published on Tuesday February 05, 2008 by Andreas Aardal Hanssen in Uncategorized Aggregated | Comments

On my way home from work today, I somehow found myself in an awkward situation, laughing as I saw an elder man that I don't know hit the ground with a thump. Didn't look too serious, but it most certainly hurt, and it really made my day. Hehe! A wonderful sense of euphoria went through my body as I wondered whether or not I should flip a coin into the air towards this unfortunate fellow, for reasons that probably wouldn't strike your average observer as being glaringly obvious (in contrary, for also-oh-so-unobvious reasons this might have been perceived as a very rude thing to do, but I don't quite know why).

So it all started when I was humming and strolling through the streets, past the shops near where I live. Sometimes I enjoy looking at all the funny people around me, at the silly signs people put up outside their stores. I decided to take a trip into the indoor mall. As the weather is pretty harsh sometimes in this country (rain/snow/wind) the mall has this double set of automatic glass doors, mounted like the sluice in a shape ship, to make sure cold air doesn't get in, and warm air doesn't get out. So anyway. As I close in on these doors from the outside, I suddenly stop up, and realize that the doors open very slowly today. They're set up at about half speed. Probably because weather has been bad. I think, "That's funny, hehe", and then I continue walking in once the doors are completely open.

Please Spare Some Change

Now, as I'm on my way out again after buying a bag of raisin buns, I see two teenage girls approaching from the outside, all poshed up and chatting like teenage girls do, and suddenly I hear a loud "Bang!" as one of the girls has managed to bang her forehaid on the door as she walked in. "Hehe," I found myself bursting out aloud. Her reaction was to give me, and then the half-open door the evil eye before shouting "Fy F#¤N i H#"#¤e, er det muuulig!?" [*] And so her friend naturally immediately concurred, "Ja fy f#¤n er det mulig."

This is truly the age where on one side of the street, your average lady is facing a closed door, and blinking her eyes, hoping that that'll remove this funny obstruction which she hasn't encountered before. The door, on its side, is presenting its knob as best it can, wishing it could just say "Here!!! it's right here!! it's a KNOB!! you can use it to open me!!". Your average guy walks straight into the shop window (i.e., that glass thing with no handles, next to the door) BANG, and curses the heavens above, rubbing his forehead and rushing away. These people are angry and upset with a wooden board, or a sheet of glass, failing to meet with their absolute requirements of not being in the way. Ah, astonishing.

And so it happens. Within two seconds after the last girl had just caught her breath, the guy, a man whom I do not know, walks BANG right into the same half-open door. The door did not open (with the speed that he was expecting). His predicted trajectory intersected that of the door-which-moveth-too-slow. ;-) This was an underperforming lame excuse for an automatic door. And so, he fell backwards, dropped his two bags, and whammed into the ground, and of course, he too, cursed out loud, and angry.

And I laughed. I'm evil. I'm sorry. I laughed out loud. :-D

[*] The first girl's outburst translates to "Oh, darn you bad devil from hell, is this not completely stupid, if at all possible?!?". The other girl's response would be something like "Yeah, I soo agree darn, you bad devil, it's quite stupid, and not likely possible at all." :-D Norwegian teenage cursing is great fun :-D.

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